Valentine's day quiz #1

                            Lover's Quiz #1
                            ---------------
                  by David Asa Wacks with Hugh Cushing
                   (Dave got paid a lot more, though)

Hey guys & gals!  Are you HARD UP?  This simple quiz can let you know
how hard you're going to have to work to get a Valentine.  Score your-
self as follows: 1 point for each A, 2 points for each B, 3 points for
each C, and 10 points for each D.

1.  You are taking a guy/girl on a first date.  How much are you willing
    to spend?
    A.  Guest meal at campus dining services
    B.  $5.00 for a few slices
    C.  A nice Chinese dinner, maybe $25.00 tops
    D.  The price of your physics textbook

2.  Sitting on your dorm steps you spot a potential scoop.  Your first
    course of action is to:
    A.  Start up a lively, interesting conversation
    B.  Use one of your favorite lines
    C.  Propose a temporary marriage - say for the weekend
    D.  Knock him/her over the head with your physics textbook and drag
        him/her back to your friend's single

3.  Your definition of "blue balls" is:
    A.  A solid and a stripe in billiards
    B.  Those little styrofoam things on the inside of a beanbag
    C.  A painful need for a cold shower
    D.  Fig. 42, p. 189 demonstrating variable density in your physics
        textbook

4.  If she says "no" she means:
    A.  No
    B.  Probably not
    C.  Yes
    D.  She's gagged and can't answer

5.  Attendance at campus dining services per 19-meal-a-week allotment
    A.  0-10
    B.  11-14
    C.  15-19
    D.  38 - You steal your roomie's card

6.  Average time spent on toilet seat/day:
    A.  2 min.
    B.  4 min.
    C.  6 min.
    D.  Long enough to read a few pages of physics

7.  Amount of time spent perusing the freshman face book/day
    A.  2-5 min.
    B.  5-7 min.
    C.  7-10 min.
    D.  Fall asleep with it

8.  Qualifications for your blind date:
    A.  No imperfections
    B.  No boy/girlfriend
    C.  No particular desire to be seen with you
    D.  No sarcoma

9.  Typical topic of conversation on blind date:
    A.  Sunsets
    B.  Bork
    C.  How he/she's doing
    D.  Robotics

10. Typical conclusion to blind date:
    A.  Bought a futon together
    B.  Got phone number
    C.  Lost him/her in crowd
    D.  Temporary restraining order

Results:
10-20  You're doin' OK, dude(tte).
21-40  Things could be better.
41-60  Better watch yourself at social functions.
61-100 Yes sir, maybe a nocturnal trip to the petting zoo is in order.