Phone Bill

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 ! * ! PACIFIC BELL                     CURRENT BILLING:  January 1996
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  BASIC SERVICE......................................................123.35
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ACCESS TO INTERSTATE LONG DISTANCE ..................................22.95
ACCESS TO INTRASTATE LONG DISTANCE ..................................20.95
ACCESS TO ANY PHONE MORE THAN 3 BLOCKS AWAY .........................19.28
ACCESS TO YOUR DIAL TONE ............................................13.66
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              !
  DO YOU OWN  !   NO:  MONTHLY EQUIPMENT RENTAL ......................36.25
  YOUR PHONE? ! x YES: COMPENSATION FOR INCOME LOST
              !        TO PEOPLE OWNING THEIR PHONE ..................36.25
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TELEPHONE BOOK SURCHARGE @ .002 PER NAME IN THE BOOK ................21.37
LISTING YOUR OWN NAME IN THE PHONE BOOK ..............................5.20
LISTING YOUR OWN NAME IN THE PHONE BOOK CORRECTLY ...................10.40
PHONE CORD FEE @ $1/FOOT ............................................14.00
FEE FOR THE DIGITS ON THE TELEPHONE ($1 FOR #1, $2 FOR #2, ETC) .....45.00
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DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE @ $9/EA PLUS $7/EA FOR DISTURBING THE OPERATORS 32.00
SURCHARGE FOR THE RINGING OF YOUR PHONE ON EACH CALL @ 20c/RING .....23.60
SURCHARGE TO DEFRAY COSTS OF APPLYING TO THE PUC FOR NEW RATE HIKES .14.88
OOPS! ALMOST FORGOT/CHARGES FOR THE PHONE CALLS THEMSELVES .........242.96
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                                          TOTAL CHARGES DUE ........653.13
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  THANK YOU FOR DOING BUSINESS WITH US...BUT THEN WHAT CHOICE DO YOU HAVE?